Even though I focus mostly on fiction, I cannot tell you how true Lorie Hardy’s voice speaks to me. As writers, specifically for me romance, we all try to find a solid character to which the reader can relate, but where do we find our stories?
They are in the stories in our life and those lives around us. Sadly, every woman out there has their own story or a story of friend who was the “second” or even “third” in a man’s roster, and PUT UP WITH IT. They told themselves that they were really the only one he wanted o be with, that he needed time or space or it didn’t matter. It does matter ladies and gentlemen. It matters in real life and it matters in our stories. Now enough of my segment…take it away Lorie.
Everyone is accountable for their actions, whether they are criminal or actions in a relationship. You can’t lie down with dogs and complain about the fleas. You are accountable. You can’t turn your keys over to your man, who you know doesn’t have a license, and get upset when he wrecks your car and your insurance won’t pay for the damage. You are accountable. You can’t sleep with another woman’s husband, get pregnant, and shocked that he won’t leave his wife and family for you and the kid. You are accountable. All of these scenarios involve desperate women who enable men to treat them badly. As I have said and will continue to say, people only do to you what you allow them to do and what works for them. Just as you expect people to be accountable for their actions, you have to be accountable for how men treat you.
It’s amazing how many women will settle for another woman’s man. When did sharing a man become the “in” thing to do? I have never wanted to share a man. That’s not to say I haven’t done it, but it was only because I didn’t understand the situation or was lied to. Once I realized I wasn’t his number one and only, I left. I didn’t want any one’s sloppy seconds.
I remember when I was back in the dating game and some guy approached me on the Internet. He was a nice guy and we had good conversations. One day we started discussing ex-partners, and he informed me that he was divorced and had children. Okay, typical story in this day and age. Then he dropped the bomb on me. He stayed at his ex-wife’s house every night until the kids went to sleep. Excuse me? They had agreed that he would stay at the house every night so the children wouldn’t know anything had changed. (So what do you do when the kids get old enough to understand that you two aren’t together? Still use that line?)
I asked him, “How women reacted when he told them?”
He said, “They all seemed to understand, and if they didn’t, too bad.”
I said, “There is no way on God’s green earth you would be spending the night at your ex-wife’s house if we were a couple.”
He said, “We aren’t doing anything, it’s just for the kids.”
Whatever! The first time she came to the door butt-naked, would he turn it down?!! Oh yeah, right! You can’t accept any old line a man says to you. If I had accepted this line, there’s no telling what he’d think he could say and he hoped I’d believe it, all for the sake of the kids.
The man who is involved with several women is reaping all the benefits. He has put you on a team and has decided what position you will play. He sets the scheduled slots for you to spend time with him and you accept it. The only time he’s alone is the when he wants to be. Tell me, does that really work for you? Do you really think being on his schedule is working for you?
I just can’t imagine meeting some man and having him tell me that he can only spend one or two days out of the week with me because he has to split his time with other women. Now, if he can’t spend time with me due to his job, okay, I got that. But another woman? No way. I would just keep it moving and let him enjoy the setup he has with those other women, because I know I’m more worthy than that and there are men out there who won’t have to pencil me in.
With the Internet, men believe they have all the opportunities in the world when it comes to conquering women for their sexual gratifications; and some women confirm this belief. A friend of mine told me that a guy he knew was meeting lots of women on the Internet who were extremely desperate and would do absolutely anything. He would drop one off at the departure gate, and moments later, go down to the arrival gate and pick up another. It was a revolving door for him.
But, again, he wouldn’t be able to do these things if these women weren’t allowing him. He makes no commitment, doesn’t say “I love you”, and doesn’t treat the women like they’re special. Shoot, he doesn’t even buy the airfare. They pay for everything. He just comes along to satisfy himself. Now, if that’s all you want from a man, okay, that’s cool, do you. But don’t say there are no good men, when you aren’t conducting yourself as a good woman.
I wonder how many women out there get indignant when they see this happening to other women, but are oblivious when it happens to them. How does that work? How can you let that happen to you when it angers you to see it happen to someone you love or care about? You should care about yourself just as much as you care about others, if not more.
Lorie Hardy, is CEO/Founder of Empowerment4life.com, an organization focusing on the four main aspects of life; finance, health, employment and love, with an emphasis on love. Blessed with a genuine love for humanity, a positive outlook on life, she believes there is someone for each of us and desires to see everyone in happy and healthy relationships.
Lorie works as a Compliance Manager for the County, but has a passion for writing. She is the mother of three beautiful children, Amanda, Shannon, and Houston who were partially responsible for the completion of her first published book “There Are No Good Men, Because There Are No Good Women”. Her goal was to take what she’d learned through her troubling relationship experiences and share it with them to ensure that they would be better equipped to understand and to deal with the complexities of similar problems that might arise in their futures.
During her life journey, Lorie experienced things that would cause her to question God, “Why am I going through all of this grief?” She was a good person and didn’t think she deserved being treated in such an extremely undesirable way. We always think we know what is best for us. I had to learn that God was in control and knew what was best for me and mainly to seek Him before we make decisions.
Without pointing the finger at anyone else, she learned from a previous involvement, that you can’t always put the entire blame on the other person when your relationship isn’t working. “Even if you’re not causing the friction, you are equally as responsible if you’re not holding the other person accountable for the friction they’re causing.” It took 17 years for Lorie to understand and acquire the knowledge to pen her first book.
Once out of the storm, she realized that what she had experienced, wasn’t just for her personal growth and benefit. She had a testimony and a duty to share her story to empower every woman she encountered. She slowly began the task of writing her book, but it wasn’t until random women, strangers with similar plights, began to share their personal stories with her that she really became driven to complete her book.
Listening to the women, she began to realize that at some point in time, women had lost their self-esteem, their self-worth, and their power. “We as women have so much power, but we have relinquished it just to say that we have a man or simply because we don’t wish to be alone.”
“There Are No Good Men, Because There Are No Good Women” is geared toward single women, single men and married couples who desire to be in healthy, successful, and loving relationships.
Lorie is currently a Board of Director for Praying Single Mothers and is a weekly co-host on the “Straight Talk” show broadcasting on starplanettv.com. She will soon begin broadcasting her own show entitled, Empowerment for Life, which focuses on those same aspects of life.
Lorie also is currently working on her second book and a play that will coincide with her first book. Lorie can be booked for speaking engagements through her website, www.empowerment4life.com, firstname.lastname@example.org, on twitter @empowermnt4life, on LinkedIn as Lorie Hardy or on Facebook and Pinterest as Lorie Hardy.