Facing Fear Itself


When I first met my husband, I worried about my weight. So much so I didn’t want to do things like ride bikes, go to workouts together or anything where I’d really put myself in a situation of embarrassment. That meant I’d automatically excluded several activities from our to do list because I had convinced myself I was too fat. Activities like swimming was certainly out of the question, I mean, who wants to show your lumpy frame squeezed into a bathing suit so early on in a relationship?
Another activity I didn’t want to even try was rock climbing.
Instead, I opted to push for things like watching movies, eating To this day, I’m amazed that my husband stuck around. He had to get tired of my inactivity, but he told me I was unlike anyone he’d ever met. I spoke my mind and seemed to be able to handle myself in crazy situations, many of which occurred while working in the ER.
How boring I must have seemed at times, although Steve did convince me to go roller blading once. It was a compromise because I’d been too chicken to go bike riding because I didn’t want people to see my ass on a bike seat–true story.
After 10 years together, I have found my strength in being myself and faced a huge fear last Sunday. I went rock climbing.
Now, our daughters had been asking for months to go, so finally, we found a place that wasn’t expensive and headed over. The girls loved it and after several tries, they each took a break. Then it was my turn. Now, I could have said, “No thanks” but what kind of example would I set if I shied away from every possibility to participate in things our daughters liked? I loaded up and started climbing. I didn’t get too far up, maybe a 1/3 of the way, but I did it. The next two times, I tried, I reached a little higher each time.
Seemed just like my journey with my weight. Each step, each time I try something new, it brings me closer to my goals.
Now, I have no big plans to be a size 2 or shrink down to anorexic proportions, but I do want to be in a healthy weight and have a healthy body. I want to be around for a long time so I can help my girls face their fears and show them that they can get through it without failure. Maybe not the first time but certainly, if you keep trying, you will get farther and farther each time. Inch by inch, I’ll get there.

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